Advice for mom with preteen daughter.

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mssunshine2

Newbie

Posts: 2
Registered: 07-30-2011
Location:

posted on 07-30-2011 at 12:01

Advice for mom with preteen daughter.

I am dating a man and have been dating him for the last 1 1/2 yr. He knew coming into this that he was getting himself into a package of 3. I have 2 little girls. One is 6, the other 12. We are having difficulties with my 12 yr old. He is my best friend or what I thought to be my best friend. I don't know that I feel like he is that to me. sad

To start off...my daughter doesn't listen to our instructions when to be home, she's late, she has lied, she tells stories, she's having emotional problems dealing with her own dad not being around because of his choosing and his choices in life, the divorce that happened going on 2 yrs ago-October, and a recent car accident that involved myself and her sister. She uses these incidents for her favor. She has a difficult time staying on task, doing her work, homework when in school, she likes the spotlight to be on her and as I've said to my friends and family and boyfriend..I can't just focus all my attention on just her when I've got a job, my youngest daughter and other people in my life whom I like to also pay attention to. I've gone to the pediatrician a few times, I've spoken with her teachers, guidance counselor about these issues also and finally on Wed of this past week taking her to the local children's hospital we got very good results and will be receiving care outpatient. THANK GOD...finally after much determination and then giving up because no one virtually would help because of the insurance. Finally I got medical professionals to help and listen. The reason why I'm writing today, I am down to the bottom of the glass in knowing what to do with my boyfriend now. sad

He abandoned me on one of the worst days possible, he kicked us out of his home at 4 in the morning to go home instead of just letting everyone try to get some rest and then deal with the issues in the morning. His trust is gone in her, which I don't blame but you don't kick your best friend out, you're there no matter what, helping in finding a solution even if you aren't the parent..I feel he should have held on to me, consoled me and been there to be of support. So, what is your advice? For now I will not be going back to his home, I don't know that I trust that he won't do it again at some point. I want him to know how it feels, and I have explained as much, he agrees that it may have been a poor choice on his behalf but now of course its done. My guard is up, trust is low and now we barely have any contact. You would think being "best friends" that he would make sure there was an attempt to let me know he's here even if we aren't on speaking terms. He has but it seems only after I'm in contact that he is willing to put forth the effort. I will no longer be putting in the effort I was to maintain the relationship. He's going to have to come chase me now. Is that wrong? Let me know. Thanks.

mssunshine2

Newbie

Posts: 2
Registered: 07-30-2011
Location:

posted on 07-30-2011 at 12:13

more...

Here are some of the reasons why he got scared. He has an impending case with Child custody. His ex wife wants full custody when he wants what is fair, shared parenting. With the outbursts that my preteen has had..such as telling friends and parents while babysitting her sister that they weren't allowed in my boyfriends home while we were away was a lie, also explained that she saw a person in the home to the point where one of the parents was going to call the police. By this time we were pulling into the driveway and gone for not even an hour. She's emotionally erratic after she speaks to her incarcerated father, which she had no permission to speak with him and has since had no contact and no telephone of her own to do that with. I do understand that if I don't get this under control I will no longer have the man in my life, and have since sought out like I said before medical treatment for her. My daughter has also expressed that she doesn't like my boyfriend and for no reason. She feels even though he has expressed to her that he is not her father and can't take the place of him she still doesn't care for him. When the man has done a lot for her, has provided advice, concern and loves and does care for her and my youngest little girl. He feels threatened at this point and doesn't want to put anything at jeopardy when it comes to his own daughter and his rights to her. Which I can't blame but has said he is scared of my 12 yr old. She hasn't done anything for that emotion to come about. She isn't violent, she's not threatened anyone, she is acting like a typical preteen girl but again I do believe she does have emotional issues. cry

So what do I do?

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