I am looking for some advise or direction on the best way to go about the current situation I am in involving my step son and his mom.
My husband and I travel for 3 months at a time every summer for work (he does summer sales) We fly his son here twice during this time for 2 week increments. The times when he is not here with us we call every Sunday and Wed and always let him know that he can call anytime he wants. Every time we talk to him, he is so happy and excited to tell us about his week! He always wants to talk and never seams sad which makes it hard for me to believe the email his mom just sent us is true. She informed me that Dustin feels like we "hate him" and that is why we moved away and he is too scared to tell us, That he is mad at us for not involving him in our court wedding and will never forgive us(we did a small court signing ceremony and just signed the papers and left with no guests but we did have a huge reception which he was very much a big part of), That he doesn't want us to come to his birthday party to "get us back" for not having him at the court house. These are just some of the things she said. He is a 7 year old boy who loves us very much and I really feel like if he did say any of these things it's because his mom planted them into his head. I don't know how to respond to the email. Naturally I want to fire back and tell her I think she is brain washing him but I know I shouldn't. When we call, the phone has to be on speaker phone and you can hear our son talking to his mom first before he answers any of our questions. She always tells him what to say. When we asked him if we made him sad about the wedding his reply was "umm I don't know.. It's Hard to explain" When we asked him if he had bad feelings about us moving he said,"uh.. Yeah kinda" when we asked him why he said, " I don't know why" she monitors all the phone calls. It seams to me she is using him as a tool and it's breaking my heart. I don't know how to approach the situation or how to respond.
What a terrible situation to be put in, both for you as a couple and for your the young boy stuck in the middle. Obviously he is not really feeling this way if you experience his excitement, hear it in his voice, and then also hear his mother telling him what to say on the phone. A Very sad situation for everyone involved, especially for his mother who obviously requires the most help and assistance. She is obviously unstable.
The things the boy is saying are not things a 7 year old say - ie being ignored and forever hurt by a court signing even tho he was part of the reception which obviously was the only social aspect.
His mother is influencing his responses and actions, but as far as what is to be done - having a conversation with his mother would be first. I am not sure where the line of child abuse starts, but maybe consider that. This is abusive in regards to the child.
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