percy09
Newbie
Posts: 2
Registered: 02-14-2010 Location:
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posted on 02-14-2010 at 09:30 |
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letting go
My ex is no good for me. He has extreme mood swings. He can be great, but he also is verbally & sometimes physically abusive. He will not let me go, but he has no problem finding other women to be with. I have no interest in other men. I still love him, but know I need to move on. I am obsessed with thoughts of him being with other women. I can't stand it. I wish I didn't care. We were together for so long & were very happy until he changed. I need help.
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XO_stepdad
Member
Posts: 28
Registered: 01-06-2010 Location:
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posted on 02-15-2010 at 15:34 |
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the right thing to do can be the hardest
Percy -- i am sorry you are in that bad spot although it is a place that many people have been in and i have been in it as well. your specific situation is a bit unclear - are you still together or have you broken up? At one point you call him your Ex, but then say that he won't let you go. If he is abusive as you say he is, you should end the relationship or make him confront the behavior immediately. No matter how much history you have together abuse is never something you should put up with. To me it seems like it is simply time to move on. If he is verbally abusive, physically abuse, and has relationships with other women, do you really want to be with him? Does he deserve you? try to step back from your emotions and your personal involvement and look at the facts. Over time people do change and many couples find that they have changed to the point where they are not interested in the relationship anymore. It is not necessarily a bad thing, but a natural thing. It can be hard to move on from a relationship that has a lot of history but it can be necessary for some people to live happily.
Also, not wanting to be with other men right now is not a good reason to try and stay with your ex....you should try and focus on YOURSELF for a while....spend more time doing things you enjoy, explore new hobbies, and try to think of yourself as an independent person instead of one half of a relationship....isn't it possible that you have changed too? Taking some time to yourself will help to clarify you situation and the choices you will be making...meeting new men and dating again is something that will come naturally and only you can know when you are ready for that
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percy09
Newbie
Posts: 2
Registered: 02-14-2010 Location:
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posted on 02-15-2010 at 18:52 |
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You are right
We have been divorced since last June. We were apart for 6 months prior to the divorce. A few months after the divorce, I , like an idiot, let him back in my life for about 5 more months. Things were great for a few weeks, then regressed to the way they were prior to our split. I broke it off again last week. We have a 6 yr old who he uses to get to me. Yes, we both changed. We had a some unfortunate things happen our last 3 yrs together that we didn't handle well. I do not want to be with someone who belittles me, tries to control my every move, cheats & has extreme mood swings. It is a miserable way to live. It's especially hard to understand that the wonderful person that I was with for so long is no longer there. Neither one of us can stand the thought of the other being with someone else. He drives by my home & so on. It's just crazy because I don't want him, but can't stand the thought of him being with another woman. I wish I could just put it out of my mind. I know I deserve better, I also know that he doesn't deserve me. It is time to let go. Unfortunately, there is no time for me to do things I would like to do. I am juggling taking care of my child & my father who is very sick with lymphoma. I am so depressed, heartbroken, & overwhelmed. Thank you for your very good advice. I appreciate your time.
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XO_stepdad
Member
Posts: 28
Registered: 01-06-2010 Location:
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posted on 02-16-2010 at 14:55 |
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I see...
I understand your situation more clearly now, thanks for explaining---
in my experience the best way to put something out of mind is to put something else in. you say that you dont have time to explore the things that are important to you, but maybe right now the family you are caring for is the most important thing. spending more time with your family and caring for them might be the best thing for you now.
however it seems like you are putting other people's happiness and well-being in front of your own, which is good and selfless and respectable (and necessary) to an extent but you have to CREATE time for yourself, it will never just BE there. It is not selfish to plan ahead for free time that you will take to yourself to read a book, paint, listen to music, play guitar, medidate, play sports, go bowling, whatever. getting that little bit of free time is way more important than people think it is in this hectic society
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